They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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