i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
