so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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