How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
