New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
