Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
