M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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