I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
