and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
