i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
