How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
