I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize