he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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