I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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