Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
