She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
