In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
