just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
