All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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