lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
