Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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