YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize