Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
