the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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