His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
