Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
