Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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