Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
