No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
