I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
