This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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