Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
