Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
