I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
