you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
