god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize