Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
