i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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