he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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