Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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