It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
