He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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