That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
