This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
