doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize