he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
