So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
