You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize