If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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