the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my poor anus
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
