i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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