just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
