you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
