He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
