Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
