There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
