well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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