I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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