bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
