I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
