so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
