I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
