First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
