thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
