I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
