Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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