i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
