And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
