apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize