Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
