why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
