Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
