There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize