he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize