I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
