I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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