It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize