i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
