i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
