Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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