I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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