We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
