Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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