I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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