well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize