sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
