the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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