just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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