Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
