You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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