I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
