I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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