At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize