I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
