Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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