I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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