we have officially lost it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
