I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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