she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
