You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
