Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize