New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
vagina is talking i cant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
