I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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